Love Thy Enemy

Recently, I found myself in a very uncomfortable situation, about which I will not go into detail.  When I reached out for help, the advice that I was given was that I should "love my enemy."  I was very hurt by this suggestion, and I wondered about it, and my response to it, for a while.  After some weeks of meditation on this phrase, here is what I have realized:

First, I needed to identify my “enemy.”  Perhaps the “enemy” is not the person who wronged me at all.  There are painful memories of those wrongs, yes, but is that person still holding me back, or is the experience?  Are the memories actually the enemy?  So what does “loving” my enemy really mean in that case?  If I can make those painful memories useful, and learn from them, and gain a new perspective on life, is that “loving” them?  I think so.  When I use the painful memories of past wrongs as learning tools, I am “loving my enemy” because these memories are the real enemy holding me back. 

For instance, on bad days I can I feel lost or caught in them.  Sometimes I suffer bitterness and anger when they come up for me, while others I feel regret, sadness and loss.  So I accept the painful past.  I take the memories on.  I say, “I have been wronged, but who hasn’t?  It is not my fault that I was wronged, but it is my responsibility now to move on from it.”  This is “loving the enemy:” loving the memories of a painful past experience.   And now when they resurface, I feel instead grateful that things are different, or proud that I overcame them, or blessed to have loved ones who support me no matter what.  The painful experience is actually something I have made useful, because it has given me a brand new perspective on life and how full and joyful it can be in comparison.

“Love thy enemy” is a cornerstone of forgiveness.  Forgiveness is accepting what has happened to you and allowing yourself to heal.  This is the important next step of my thought process:  Forgiveness does not make what happened to you “OK.”  Also, it does not mean that the person who hurt you is welcome back into your life.  You can bless them on their way, but it is also important to stand your ground.  Standing your ground means making your boundaries clear and respecting yourself.  Neither forgiveness nor “loving your enemy” means that you have to be a doormat for them to cause you even further discomfort, let alone more pain.  I needed help that night standing my ground, not help with “loving my enemy.”  I continue to explore and work on both.

Everyone has a story, and everyone has been hurt in a major way by someone, in regards to their own experience.  The people who hurt us are and should be inconsequential.  Let them go.  As I said, bless them on their way and stand your ground.  This is the best “loving” that you can give.  Love the memories that have become enemies by using them and growing.  Love yourself, also.  Be easy.

Thank you for reading.

Love, 

Clellan